When I decided to take part in this trip, I didn’t know what to expect. I still cannot couch the things that happened in Israel and also after the trip. I am more than overwhelmed by how God has revealed himself to me and how He has worked in my life.
Actually, my journey starts in the year of 2013. I work as a designer in an agency. I look optimistically into my future with my head full of plans. There are four points important for me during this time:
- Self-realization/individual fulfillment
- Financial independence
The following months are marked by letting go of all of these expectations. I lived in an apartment-sharing community and I planned to move into my own flat. Everything is scheduled and arranged when I got hit by knowledge or rather realization: ‘This flat is not meant for me.’ My brother will soon be married. His fiancée and he don’t find a proper flat. With a heavy heart I make the decision to move back to my parents.
I realize that my days in the industry of design are numbered for now. So I prepare myself for music studies. I invest in piano classes; I study harmonics and aural training. The right university has been found and I get approved by various people. Then, the cancellation. Desperately I ask God what this means.
Because of the expiration of my contract and my desire to leave the company I decide to give up the security of a well-ordered day-to-day work. I become self-employed.
Also an old friendship starts to come alive again. I picture the ending of my singledom.
Happily I start a relationship. Could this be the reason for everything? Was this God’s plan? Not letting me go to study music so I can meet the woman of my life? But it turns out differently. The relationship shatters, and I am more desperate than before.
Out of this history I got asked to be part of this first trip. I am skeptical, barely know the group. Nevertheless, my heart beats for worship and glorification of God. So I go for it. As the departure gets closer, I feel even more unwell. And again, everything turns out to be different.
Foreigners became friends. All human disparities got insignificant. We were able to meet at a level, which would require a preliminary lead time. We weren’t always in complete agreement, but we had the same vision. Discomfort turned out to become joy. Instead of asking myself the whole time “What am I actually doing here?”, I enjoyed this time to the full. Everyday brought many beautiful, new experiences. The community was of high quality during times of spontaneous, totally unscheduled times of worship, during meals, and during discussions.
In the end I found the answer to my question: ‘WHY?’. God will take care of all my needs. Instead of torturing myself with questions I focus on Him. Worship is not limited to the times we sing worship songs or read bible verses. Worship is a lifestyle, a decision to give up everything I am and what I know to devote oneself into God’s hands – in the assurance that HE knows what we need.